SVCEEEEEEquation

DISCLAIMER: The information provided above is true in all respects and aspects. Also, the actions performed, as typed here, are by professionals. Whatever, wherever, but… the hazards are real. So, PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT UR COLLEGE....... But only an SVCEian can enjoy this to the best possible extent ......

Here is the story that defined our lives for 4 years ....

SVCEiite quoted, SVCE = (Sathyabama) x (Sathyabama)

SVCE princi says, SVCE = IIT

what we say, SVCE = S, V C “E”!!

( Yes we see “E” )

Be it the ‘E’ in the canteen sambhar, or the regular companion of our dear princi making him perform some nice ‘hand shaking’ choreo all the time, or the ‘E’ in the faces of all who watch SVCEians at work, or the ‘E’ Ottifying by the management at the poor IT response. (Never to forget the ‘E’s in “frEEEE a vidu”; “scEnnu podatha”, etc.) Also,

“ MachchEEE, 1^st year ‘Some-path’ physics classla EtchchEEEE,

Chemistry StanC vailla gilfaancEEE,

Electrical, electronic sirs ellarukkum, “SwitchEEE”,

Civil na, U sEE, I sEE, bridgEEE,

Vaangaradhu ennavo lakhs-la capitation fEE,

Enna pannaraanga theriyala, aana Sairman pocket gaalEEEE.”

Kaal-age Bus

Once there were air buses, but now…. only ‘hair’ buses. The college owned blue buses have no leg space…

Management response: “The bus says Kaal-age bus then why ask for kaal-space. Kaal in both places- not feasible!!”

Why cannot we have air-buses in our route?

Mr. "Long"chezian (logic mandaiyan) says .... “Coz, buses refuse to move in ur area”

“ur strength more, bus- no strength to carry”

No strong reprimands, if a boy sits next to a girl in the bus. Only that a young male sub-staff / staff comes n warns the girl saying, “I shldnt c u with him again. Why sit near him when the seat next to me is empty?” In case bus has no seat for a boy excepting 4 one beside a girl, the usual HS manager (human – seat mgr) rises n uses the Best-fit seat allocation algorithm. The end–result… its either boy-boy, girl-girl or the girl sitting beside the HSM.

If a junior complains of raging in the bus ! Entire bus will be suspended( including the driver). Kadalai commiteee is to form its office soon. They will catch all those pairs putting kadalai ! Chase away the boy and put kadalai with the gal left out ( Kaun – selling).

Absenteeism

If ur attendance trickles a bit less than 75%, a letter comes screaming “WATCH OUT!!” as if it were the ad for WWE events on ten sports. U go to the HOD, n he says, “ No condonation permitted. Unnala semester exam ezhudha mudiyuma?” as if he was also campaigning in the ad, “ Pulli Raaja vikku AIDS varuma?”

U r late to class?? Do not worry! Teachers will not say a word, but our dear HOD “bunny” is always around. He lurks behind every wall n class n teacher n student. U stand outside class, he is there to catch u. U go to the pathetic so-called canteen n he is there 2 drive u back.

Canteen

Have any one of u seen rubber plates b4? Well, our canteen "chap"patis are the only place for getting these. Probably good substitutes for chewing gums, but too big to be called one. One other thing, this is the only place where dosa kallu is edible and is provided instead of dosas.

SVCE firmly believes that half cooked vegetables are good 4 ur health. The lovely pongal is after all the yellow jalli kallu. Most interesting element is the side dish. Whatever the dish, side dishes are standard – a sambhar, chutney or kurma – all watery enough to flood the plates they provide. Imagine puri with sambhar, chutney and vadai, bonda with kurma. Strange combinations!

Even MNCs like Coca Cola, Pepsi have failed to meet the standards. And they replace these with Fruitnik n Rejoice drinks. Are these the “un-polluted” versions? They sure are, when they r washed n made pure with Surf.

Did u know, our princi believes only after seeing things himself. He at times takes the role of a spy n pays canteen a visit. I was really surprised to spot an elderly person sipping coffee and trying to hide his face with another hand, that day. But one thing’s for sure – his eyes were rolling on all directions like the marble eyes of an owl. Realizing that quite a few had watched him, he scurried out like a frightened rat.

The big bulbs

The college invited a renowned Professor Mr. Beex from Virginia Tech, USA. He stayed in our college for a fortnight or odd n shared his knowledge with the students. The college decorated a lab with ‘real’ new computer terminals in order to impress him n also fitted it with AC for the first time. All this, being said n done, this is what happened.

• He is taken around the ECE labs with an air of pride surrounding every lecturer present (about the facilities provided). Props up a question from Mr. Beex “Were these labs built during World War II?”
• He continued , “Have these instruments been used b4? They look untouched.”

Teacher: “We will ask questions, when u r finished with ur lecture.”

Mr. Beex: “ When I am not around, is it?"

Labs

A unique happening in our computer labs: There is NO AC in the Multimedia Lab. The Network Lab has ACs but they function only in the mornings and not in the afternoons. The sad part: students are not allotted this lab in the mornings. The Thin-Client Lab has beautiful machines n the ambience in the lab is inch perfect. But the irony: This lab is allotted for 1^st years, who work on the application requiring max. configuration: MS Word.

The ECE labs have ACs working all the time. Even fans fail to run in the CS-IT labs. The computer lab in the best in marine and mechanical

Campus

Situated about 40 km from the city, this veteran institution, lazes on the most uneven patch of land possible, on our planet. Did u know, the whole land had to be made even by stuffing loads n loads of sand. There were hell a lot of free lands in those times n they picked a land so far off the ‘shores’, majority space infested with electric cables n towers.

Added to the lowelly facilities, is the water facility. Water coolers are present everywhere, but please do not open em to have a look inside. Unless, u want to disturb Mr.Bug n his family of boneless ‘creepies’ n ‘wriggleys’.

The new cardinal rule at SVCE : the ratio rule!!’

To do away with gal-boy talk princi came up with this brilliant plan. The girls n boys ratio (when standing or talking anywhere in the campus) shouldn’t fall under any of the foll. Categories: 1:1,1:2,1:3,2:2. The reprimands will be severe if overlooked.

SVCE : the cousin of IIT??

Our princi takes great pride in calling SVCE the greatest institutions of India. That was evident when he addressed the students: “We r no way inferior to IIT. In fact, we r better.” Does he refer to the Itch-embakkam Institute of Terror?

“God, This great serendipity,

Me, SVCE n reality,

This great ‘honor’ to IIT,

Yet, Living it is after hearing this? A real pity!!”

Placement or higher studies

This great innovation was again forwarded again by ‘u know who’, the A or B option- A compulsory decision to be taken by all final yr students. If its placement then no recos, n the vice versa. ‘To encourage more companies to come in’ was the objective quoted, but none of the ‘biggies’ have still made a visit.

Prici said .... “Last time, I had to personally ask CTS to come to our college.” Well, it is the college which has to invite companies, normally. Then why this statement? Only SVCE ppl can get the weird logic..... lol .

Security

Veerappan meesai, Tamizhnadu Police thoppai, Nepal chappa mooku, Senthil-Koundamani getup, anything, name it n u can find em in our security personnel.

“Naan security illa, porrukki” the common Saami pickup also included. These great men are here to do the policing jobs like: ensure seniors n juniors do not talk, none of the students escape the lovely lectures, no one loiters around in the campus, no girl-boy #@$%*#$ n tht the noise level in the campus is well below the prescribed limits. Course yes, the bribing practice does exist – either on demand or request or magnanimity.

Going back home

As such, going back home is difficult. About 40 kms to cover…..no formal bus stop or standard buses- lorries n mofusel buses our only aid. Trekking all the way to the college gates itself, is a big pain, tht too when the ruthless sun is scouting above. Added to our pains is the outpass procedure.

It goes this way- Suppose we plan to move out at 1:00. Walking to the security office n getting a outpass takes 15 min. (please, the security has to complete his konjal with his wife over phone, na) Walk all the way back to ur department n search for HOD or senior staff. This takes at least 30min or more especially when they have gone to a class or meeting. Getting their signature quoting a valid reason n convincing them tht its genuine takes 15 more min. (don’t forget, u might have to show tht u do not have a lack of attendance, n u have good acads). Walking back to the office to get the security mamaa’s “no problem” signature scrapes 15 more minutes (after checking our IDs). By this time, u r real tired n so u find urself in the canteen (u can get nothing in class hrs) only to have some cool water. If any of these steps is forgotten then walk back all the way to the college from the gates (covering 2 km). The man at the gates also makes a check of ur IDs b4 u leave. He crosschecks the numbers with tht on the outpass n also the face with ur photo on the ID. A beard or haircut can have u staring at him intently. (But, one good thg some of us, do escape by flashing our license or Cycle stand passes). In case u donot have ur ID, repeat the whole procedure by getting special signatures from ur HOD. Effectively, 1 to 2 hrs are eaten away. Leaving for home at 4:00 by coll. bus wld be better option than spend 20 rupees n start at 3:00 to virtually reach home at the same time.

Principal’s vision (vishium)

• Mr. U know who, enters the beautiful “OAT”, a typical entry of the Dine-a-sour in Steven Spielberg’s “Grrrrrr…Ass-sick Park” in the middle of the College day function (missing the long spiked tail and scary claw). A terrorizing cry into the microphone n the spirits of fun in us ends up in Isla Sorna.

• Mr. Ara-bald shivashankar barges into a class like the Terminator in “Judgement Day” enters the bar in the opening scene(nothg missing now, but unlike the film setup, he has clothes on now). He searches for the scapegoat… failing to get any immediately, he randomly picks a guy up n says, “I do not like ur cut. How many times have I told u? Shall I give u TC right now? Go meet ur HOD. ” All this fuss about a normal cut hair. “U shall cut ur hair tomorrow, else do not come to my college.” I dunno what he wldve said if his victim had turned out to be a bald person, tht day.
• He comes across a student silently preparing for his project review in a free hour. No crime done, but still he is the principal n he shld not get out of the class without proving his dominance, right? “ U should be studying ur Maths as its Math hour now. I will ask ur HOD to give zero in ur zeroth review.”

Traditional-s

Girls in boys’ view

“99% of the women are beautiful, the remaining 1% are in my college.”

Boys in girls’ view

“Boys!! Does it need more say, now??”

“MCPs : M for male, C for chauvinist, P-censored.”

Teachers

“Can u find any?”

Profs

“ Teachers with PHDs (Passed with Highest Difficulty)”

Student beat

The teacher is taking class n his voice is not being heard at the back. One sincere student stands up and asks this,

“Sir, Can u be more edible?”

Fact

The college does not torture ppl with fine (why ask for tht when u get enormous amts thru capitation). But the fact remains: No Fine here, also nothing’s fine here!

“Yes, we r in Venky,

On the outside sure funky,

But on the inside its real stinky.”

Urs Truly,

Some Lovely SVCEians who stood the test of time and fought against the prici and his powers ....